Passover Wrap up

Yes, it's possible to do a Passover Sedar in 4.5 minutes, even with puppets for each plague.

Basically you say a prayer, give kids some sweet alcohol (here's B taking his first gulp of wine, which I can pretty much guarantee won't be his last, even this week if he has his way), tell them slavery is bad, freedom is good so enjoy it dammit, give them some parsley with salt water dripping from it (kids will eat anything salty) tell them they are tasting tears of people that have been mistreated, then give them apples (charoset) and say "here's the taste of freedom and being nice to others. Sweet, no? So be nice".

Then you run through the plagues as fast as you can get those puppets on your fingers (the lice finger puppet is my favorite by far), skipping the sacrifice of the firstborn of course because that's just too scary (a little boy puppet looking ready to die just ain't something I'm putting on my finger). We skipped telling the kids of a favorite Israeli-Passover table joke, which I was recently told. The word for "eggs" in Hebrew also means "testicles". So, as you dip the Sedar hard boiled egg in the salt water you commemorate the travels of the Egyptians' testicles as they went through the Red Sea. The commemoration of salty balls should be a part of every dinner table celebration, don't you agree?

Finally you let the kids go play hide and seek with the afikomen, and regardless of who finds it, you give them all a prize because you want them all to shut up and let you eat your salmon and flourless chocolate cake. Ah, holidays with small children. The relaxation of it all is overwhelming.