The Divorce Game

My husband and I like to play some games that others don't approve of. Before you get squeamish, these don't involve nudity. Just harsh judgement.

One of our favorites is "Who will get divorced next?" (It won't be the two in the photo. Yes, they're very happy. But they've also only been married a few months. It generally takes a couple at least two years to show up on our radar.)

It may sound cruel, but actually this game is a great way for me to get inside information about what I'm being habitually forgiven and praised for, and what level my husband's marriage toleration threshold is at (as a rule, it's very high, but I feel like I'd be able to use these conversations to catch a hint if he was ever ready to run). Also it's fun to be harsh and scathing (in private), and who else can you be totally unabashedly honest with about the rest of the world, if not your husband?

The type of no-holds-barred analysis we engage in during this game is brutal. "Jen has gotten really cynical and mean. Jim should either leave her or just see someone on the side" and "I never liked Steve. He's stupid." are things you just can't say around your friends (who inevitably know the other friends you are talking about).

It's not all negative. There are plenty of comments like: "Lisa and Joaquin will make it. They do dance lessons. We don't even like each other enough to do that." And, "There's no way she'll let Greg go--he won Best Dad of the Year remember?" Yes, we have lots of games and secret contests. Winners are rarely notified.

You should try playing the divorce game, but don't tell anybody. Everyone always gives us a blank stare of horror when we explain it. Each time, we think the couple we are about to tell will laugh and say "We do that too!" Never happened. I've decided that everyone talks about this stuff, but most couples haven't taken the care to structure their discussions into an organized game. So go ahead, pony up and play for real.

It may be a sorry fact that playing this type of game makes me feel close to my husband. But at least I do feel close. So far we're not on our own divorce-potential radar. Right now he's just behind me tickling the boys on the couch. I just heard him say: "This is the best cuddle time ever." Music to my stay-married-forever ears.