My step-brother Mig (my Dad's wife's son) and his (very new) wife Zoe got married a couple of weeks ago in NYC on their lunch break. There's nothing too funny about that--I've known lots of folks who chose to skip the nuptual frenzy.
The thing is, I didn't even hear about the wedding until a few days ago. This is not some super removed step-sibling that I've never met. My step-mom Charlotte, and my dad have been married since I was in college (too long ago), and Mig has been at every holiday and my own wedding celebration as well. Basically, if there had been a party I would have been there. But here's how my dad told me, in his matter-of-fact style, in an email (I'll paraphrase):
1. we're going camping
2. charlotte has a new email address
3. mig had a surprise wedding
4. we switched from dsl to cable
Like me, my dad's an engineer. Unlike me, he's prone to holding back emotion generally and crying like a baby at major events (his wedding, my wedding, my sons' bris celebrations, etc.). I'm more of a day to day emoter, but I almost never cry at events. Hey, we all have our emoti-styles, and I know he loves me and mine just as much or more as any overlyemoting daddy. I learned that long ago and I am forever thankful to him for teaching me to accept all styles of affection as valid. Even email lists.
So, many people would be offended that they were not informed of the wedding immediately or even given a call. Me? I'm just glad Mig let us know within 30 days, and my dad fit it in before the news about the switch to cable.
So let me just take this opportunity to say CONGRATULATIONS MIG AND ZOE!!!! and provide a little Zoe affection (Mig, you already know we love you and think you are a big bad freakysmart Chess man).
We have thus far met Zoe only once, last Christmas. I liked her right away. Zoe is Jewish. It was her first Xmas. Within five minutes of meeting me she told me she'd avoided Christmas thus far in life because she was worried she'd love it so much she'd convert immediately. (In my house house we do Hanukkah, but I grew up Christian and we do Xmas BIG TIME with both sets of my parents). This made perfect sense to me. I'm constantly on the verge of converting back to Christianity just so I can erect a tree and lights in my house (okay so that would never happen. I'm too lazy). Still.
Anyway, we loved her. She seemed aglow with the gifting extravaganza, and was truly interested it lending a helping hand in the kitchen, kissing babies and tumbling with toddlers. A winner.
So there is no dismay that Mig has snatched her up. But, we do love a good party in my family. So all that I, (and Mig's mom and sister and step sister-in-law), can say is: WHEN'S THE PARTY?!
2 comments:
Hello Sarah and her legions of readers. Thanks from both Zoë and me for the love and the kind wishes. It's not that we didn't want to tell anyone; we were just too lazy to do a write-up. Now that you've taken care of that in such fine style we can just link to it and tell everyone else.
I'm surprised that's a paraphrase of Dick's email you give there, Sarah. I can definitely see being part of a numbered list. And you just know he wanted to put the cable switchover at the top, so kudos to him for his restraint. If he'd upgraded his CPU or GPS our marriage would have had to wait for his next email.
Just to fill in the details and clear up some inaccuracies (bloggers have no love of fact-checking, or so I've heard): We were married on February 8, a Thursday. It was not on our lunch break but in the early morning. Immediately after the two-minute ceremony (these things do tend to drag on), performed by one Blanca Martinez (who then went on to a vanishingly brief career as our wedding photographer), Zoë went to work and I went to buy socks. Straight from a Keats sonnet, I'm sure you'll agree.
Zoë and I did inform a few people directly based on a list ordered from most to least likely to freak out and/or kill us if they found out later, and how much later. This meant our moms were told a few days before the wedding and some of our friends may still not know until they receive a link to this blog entry. The advance notice gave Mom and Stacy the chance to send the flowers in the photo via internet from the Bahamas. That was about as formal as it got; I didn't even step on a dixie cup at the end.
It's not that we're secretive (despite my boss being on a KGB hit list), we just realized that what we wanted was to be married, not to have a wedding. We are, however, planning to dress as a bride and groom for Halloween. Then we can send out proper photos, naturally with the neighborhood fairy princesses and Harry Potters in the background. And who doesn't like a nice bag of wedding candy?
This nuptial method allows for many small parties instead of one giant one. We've already had one semi-accidental fête in Seattle, where Zoë's parents and siblings reside. We'd already planned a trip there last weekend for her mother's 60th birthday party. Most of her mother's friends have known Zoë forever and were happy to add another toast to the occasion. It was also the first time I'd met her father (Lenny), older sister (Anna), and brother (Max, recently married in a more traditional ceremony). Her mother, Beth, stopped by NY last year. They took the news in stride quite admirably and I felt very much welcomed into the Kashner family. Even the cat (Simka) and dog (Morgan) showed me some love.
For local friends we will have a housewarming/wedding party here in NY in April. Zoë won't even be finished moving in until the end of March. Stacy and JB are passing through in July so there's another party right there. We don't have any California plans yet but it would be great to see everyone in the summer. No honeymoon plans yet either, and we aren't registered anywhere. As a geek/writer and an editor we'd end up registered at CompUSA and Barnes & Noble and we're already wondering what to do with all my books. (And no, to answer another top-five question, Zoë isn't pregnant.)
Returning to the fact-checking, Zoë doesn't recall saying she always wanted Christmas, although she did enjoy ours and also the pre-Christmas we had with Roman, Stacy, and Jean-Benoit in the Bahamas at the start of December. She makes excellent paper doll decorations for someone without a lifetime of practice at tree trimming. As she has pointed out, one of the best things about marrying Jewish is there's no conflict over where to go for Christmas.
So stow your party hats for the time being, but do not fear. All good parties come to those who wait.
Saludos, Mig
Okay so the lunch break was a misrepresentation from my sources. I love that actually you went to buy socks after the "ceremony". It's great when fact is better than fiction. And just to be clear, I certainly never said Zoe always wanted Christmas...just that she thought if she ever DID do Christmas she might like it so much she'd JOKINGLY want to convert. Okay facts straightened (I hope :).
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